Ryann'dra Auspaztic.
17 & old :X
gloomybear = sexxxx
i lost my way, i lost my way
while skipping down the yellow brick road
i lost my way [puff the magic dragon :O]
electro yourself, baybeh
anti-violence; say no to plastic bags!!!
they don't deserve you, anyways
♥♥♥

FUCK THE ATTITUDES
FUCK THE NAME-CALLING
FUCK THE "ifuckingknowyouinsideout" SHIT
FUCK THE LIES
FUCK THE PUSHING AROUND
FUCK THE PUTTING DOWN
FUCK THE "sorryandthen5minslateryoufuckingsuckyouliar" SHIT
FUCK THE WASTED TEXTS
FUCK THE "youhurtmesofuckingbadsonni'mgonnamakeyoupay" SHIT
FUCK THE PRETENSE
FUCK THE "youmakemesofuckingemo" SHIT
FUCK THE "youtreatmelikeshit" SHIT
FUCK THE "i'mtheonlyonewhounderstands" SHIT
FUCK IT
FUCK EVERYTHING
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU FOR FUCKING MESSING THINGS UP
FUCK YOU FOR YOUR BLOODY ATTITUDES THAT FUCKING PISS ME OFF
FUCK YOU FOR YOUR STUPID LIES
FUCK YOU FOR YOUR DESPERATION
FUCK YOU FOR YOUR IMMATURITY
FUCK YOU FOR YOUR FALSE PROMISES
FUCK YOU FOR WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK
FUCK YOU FOR THE TIMES I'VE FELT HURT OVER YOU
FUCK YOU FOR WASTING MY FUCKING TIME WHEN I COULD'VE SPENT IT ON PEOPLE WHO ARE MY TRUE FRIENDS
FUCK YOU FOR TELLING ME YOU'D BE THERE FOR ME
FUCK YOU FOR YOUR BLOODY SELFISHNESS
FUCK YOU FOR STANDING ON THE SIDELINES
FUCK YOU FOR NOT BOTHERING TO HELP
FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME THE LIAR
FUCK YOU FOR TRYING TO BRING ME DOWN
FUCK YOU FOR TELLING ME WHAT A FAILURE I AM
FUCK YOU FOR CHANGING
FUCK YOU FOR YOUR GUILT TRIPS
FUCK YOU FOR PRETENDING TO BE WHAT YOU'RE NOT
FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL WORSE WHEN I FUCKING CRY
FUCK YOU FOR THINKING THAT YOU'RE ALL MATURE AND SHIT
FUCK YOU FOR RUBBING THINGS IN MY FUCKING FACE
FUCK YOU FOR NOT STANDING UP FOR ME TOO
FUCK YOU FOR YOUR WEIRD STARES NOWADAYS
FUCK YOU FO PRETENDING TO CARE



yesterday
i couldnt stop screaming "EMOS"
why?
its my new swear word!
*trip* EMOS!
*splatter* EMOS!
*twirls and gets tooted* EMOS!
*almost crashed into some random dude* EMOS!
*almost walked into a door* EMOS!
*lost wallet* EMOS!
EMOS EMOS EMOS EMOS
i want another frickin TATTOO
i will GET another tattoo
after my Os
only because i dont have time OR money
that gives me more time to design it AND save up
hung with my darlings ytd;
namely Ish, Ren, Cassie, JoeKCuds, Christa, Faid n Muhd D
:)
it was HELL fun
watched Wall-E <3
got the surprise of my life when i received a text from Joe (non-KCuds one)
won't tell you what it is :X
went to BayBeats later at Espla
went with Ish, Muhd D, JoeKCuds, Mara n her fren Ally
watched the Shine & Shine & Shine & Shine
the frontwoman was cute
but..
THE GUITARIST WAS CUTER
XD
they're from Taiwan
apptly Marzipan was there too
but i missed her :(
was looking forward to like a total MOSH PIT
but :(
the whole of Singapore's fucking emo
no jumping!
WHERE'D ALL THE RETARD CHILDS GO?!
ANYONE I CAN GO TOTALLY RETARDED WITH ANYMORE?!
gosh
im fucking tired
slept in half the day
n accidentally Gayified KCuds' notes :(
i wan2 celebrate HALLOWEEN
fuck all those emochildren who celebrate Halloween without me :(
nvm we'll just have to celebrate it on another occasion
i feel like getting totally black overalls
n more BAND TEES
i wan2 change my fucking name
i wan2 change my fucking hair
fuck my moods
AARRGGHH
i dont make sense today
i WILL make sense when something devastating and traumatising
then i guess i'll bother making sense
*sings and screams*
I CAN SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THE DAY TURNING BRIIIIIIIIIIIGHT
i will massacre my hair and turn it purple somehow
or perhaps make it blacker
or perhaps some retarded colour like pink or blue or green
and change my whole fucking look
fuck labels
yawn
tired

someone's got SAND in their VAGINA



I feel stupid
yeah pretty stupid
watching South Park now
its so stupid and funny
Dad's telling me to study
okay..
*shrugs*
SUPER BEST FRIENDS!! XD
MASSIVE LOL
gonna get some studies done later
GONNA MEET CASSIE N ISH N REN N AMI N GEE!!
okay random hyper moment
I AM FUCKING BORED
kill me
actually, don't.
HAHA ERIC CARTMAN JUST BOUGHT SCOTT'S PUBES FOR $10!!
AND SCOTT JUST TRICKED HIM!!
MASSIVE LOL!
okay random
PUBES!!
random shit
oh damn now he's tricking Scott back :)
I'M A LITTLE PIGGY HERE'S MY SNOUT OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK XD



Revenge.
what do you gain?
satisfaction?
you mean it's WORTH IT?
to ease the hunger for attention?
well, my love, you can have it all
you can have what you want from me
exploit me to the fullest
because i really don't give a damn
because if you won't even tell me in my face
or even bother talkin to me
or telling me about how much of a bitch i seem to you,
i guess i'll play oblivious and still treat you the way i do
you're still my friend, till further notice
and i'm sorry if my intentions appear to be harsh and spiteful
but my intentions are genuine,
even though the things that happen
break my heart... *stares blankly*
oh well
Saturday night was the sex
running and rolling around on the beach.
PLUS it was LOW TIDE so there was mud ALL AROUND
got all dirty and stuff it was awesome :)
Joe, DK, Hafiz and Mira were there
JOE GOT MUD IN HIS SKINNIES :)
so after we all washed up,
we ended up playing Truth or Dare spin the bottle style
DK was drunk fuckless but he ended up doing the catwalk and a poledance :)
Joe ended up dancing to Low
Hafiz ended up saying he was a Pussy
and i ended up licking the table and doing a poledance too.. *stares blankly*
haha
Joe ended up sleeping over
which was awesome because we thrashed the Wii abit
played some Mario and Sonic Olympic Games thing
and Joe was like WAY awesome at the high jump thing!
anyway woke up with a motorboat voice
well, lost my voice in the morning
so cool! XD
Well, will close with a quote by COLIN SANTA MARIA, KING OF SARCASM:
"Quitters never win, Winners never quit. But if you don't quit and don't win, you're an IDIOT"
classic!!



I've never been more ready to say this about life at this very moment
but i'm going to say it..
LIFE IS GREAT
Life is not what you make of it
but by how you get on with the twists and tangles of complications in life
there are two ways to deal with them;
untie them OR leave it alone
Life is like an animal;
kicking, screaming and constantly squirming
Life can be a bitch
and Life can be your best friend
i can't say i don't agree with the fact that Life Sucks..
it DOES
it DOES because of all the complications we have put among ourselves and our future generations
it SUCKS because of all the high expectations
it SUCKS because of all our different personalities, ideologies, thinking..
but then again it's GREAT
it IS because you're not entirely alone at any point of time
it IS because of what the world has to offer [that we have so mercilessly destroyed over the centuries]
it's GREAT because of the various passions we have [e.g. Art]
it's GREAT because of the blessings in disguises that hide and jump you along the way
and fuck yes, Life is a BITCH

have you ever stopped to watch the sea?
and stopped to think how beautiful this world can be,
where 2 very contradictory things can come together
and create a scene so beautiful, it fills your heart with awe,and your eyes with tears
have you ever stopped and looked around?
to see the gorgeous people that surround you
the people who can make you feel so alone
but yet so loved because of their limitless smiles and encouraging words
have you ever stopped and napped to the warmth of the sun?
beating down; warming your soft, supple skin
something so simple but yet beyond satisfaction
have you every stopped to listen to the rhythm of the day and the whispers of the night?
to fall in love with the sound of crashing waves
and the patter of feet on sunbaked cement that twist an turn through the veins of the land

we have lost time for ourselves and the world
and we have lost the ability to appreciate
today i'll expose my deepest darkest secret..
and that is;

I WANT TO LOVE..

not BGR, my friend..
but love in a way that i cannot describe
a kind of love that is shared between friends



life is but a dream.
so true.
today i saw a friend cry her eyes out.
it hurt.
ALOT.
it hurt me.
not just her
but it hurt me too.
to think that we're now in the same situation.
i'm immensely confused and ticked off and appalled
i mean
what is a relationship?
what is it, really?
do people have to be this way after they break up?
is there no chance to justify yourself to make things clear so we can move on?
is there even a necessity to move on?
is it okay to blurt spiteful words to someone who's hurt?
how is it good to laugh at someone who's crushed inside?
to me, it's no better than laughing at a crippled dog who got ran over by a car
HOW IS THAT FUNNY?!
is it right to ignore a cry for help?
is it right to be oblivious for the need to justify what has been done?
is it politically correct to even scream your lungs out in frustration when nothing goes your way?
i'm telling you, my friend, that i stand on the neutral side
or you could say im hurting my butt sitting in the fence
whichever way it is, it still hurts
i love you both but.. sighs.. this is for the both of you i guess :S
its not much
and its corny
but its what i can see from where i stand:

aligned along the walls of agony
where love seems unreal
CAN YOU HEAR HER HEART BREAKING? she said,
fully aware of the emptiness in herself
she sheds a tear and sobs uncontrollably
her present state reflecting only a fraction of how she really feels
is there anyone who can stop her pain?
or is there anyone who can stop the laughter?

his head swirled to decide
which was best for the both of them
his heart breaking and aching with every thump against his ribcage
IS THIS LOVE? he asked,
longing for a definite answer to put his mind at ease
cryin silently into the night
as tears soak into his pillow
reminding him of the unpredictable future up ahead

ryann fucking sucks



what is love, exactly?
does it not involve forgiveness?
how can tolerance and trust be upheld if communication is put on hold?
how exactly do we move on in life if grudges aren't removed?
how is it that we are so blind to the fact that there are always 2 wrongs to every mistake
and that we expect to be pampered in every relationship we get into?
IS THERE NO COMPROMISE?!
IS THAT WHAT YOU EVEN CALL LOVE?!
if there is no mutual understanding in anything that we do
then what the hell is the point of bitching all over the place?
is there even a necessity to bitch about the latter when they don't even know what's wrong?
is there a necessity to get your friends to help you "get back" at the one you supposedly love?
is there a necessity to sit and send texts, hoping that things will change?
WHAT IS LOVE?
WHAT IS LOVE TO YOU?!
is it that feeling you get when you see his/her face, just for that measly moment?
is it whispering to each other "i love you" over the phone?
WHAT IS IT?!
WHAT IS IT?!
HAS PPL LOST THE REAL MEANING OF LOVE?!
EVEN I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!
has LUST been mistaken for LOVE?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?
[huns, i just wish i could say it to your faces without breaking your hearts]
THIS ISN'T THE WAY TO SETTLE THINGS
breaking up isn't always right
writing letters isn't always right
you apologise from the heart and not from what you think
WHERE'S THE SINCERITY?!
WHAT IS WRONG?!
GAH!