Ryann'dra Auspaztic.
17 & old :X
gloomybear = sexxxx
i lost my way, i lost my way
while skipping down the yellow brick road
i lost my way [puff the magic dragon :O]
electro yourself, baybeh
anti-violence; say no to plastic bags!!!
they don't deserve you, anyways
♥♥♥

Ryann Fucking Sucks

i feel sick
:X
and to people that matter;
DON'T FUCK OFF AND DIE, OKAY?
[hint-hint]



i'm in a vicious cycle i can't get out of
it's demoralising to the extent where i don't even want to know what's going on

RYANN'S CYCLE: [what i've been living by, forcibly]
1) move into new place [uuuuuugggggggghhhhhhh.....]
2) HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY [life = bliss at this point of time]
3) expectations pile up [ryann: BARK! WOOF!]
4) tensions are raised to a whole new high [where's that mfing chainsaw?!]
5) there is so much tension, it feels like the cold war, WWI, WWII and 9/11 are happening all at once, under a roof [except without the artillery and bombs]
6) pissed gauge goes up, patience gauge goes down [beepbeepbeepbeep!]
7) PISSED-O-METER EXPLODES [this is the part where i do something stupid like OD or runaway or something else equally stupid]
8) repeats "somethingstupid101" over and over again until something "tragic" [obviously bullshit] happens
9) "let's try work things out. it's for the best" speech is recited once again [not by me, of course] and obviously it DOESN'T WORK [as usual, it only works as a pacifier for the speaker, who is not me]
10) thisisthepartwhereyougobacktostageoneandrepeatthewholeprocess [that's the whole point of a cycle]

is it so hard to find a sense of ease and comfort in your own house?
i dread the times i spend at home
because they're filled with nothing but tension and silence
it's hard to explain this feeling
but it totally frickin sucks
okay maybe i COULD sum it up in 3 words
but that would be very vague;
FUCK THIS HOUSE

[D, really i can't help but post pissed posts and i really don't know what's wrong.. i know i'm usually able to tahan this shit.. and i'm sorry i have to complain about my life again [esp when no1 wants to hear it] but i guess it serves as a release for me.. oh yeah! when we going Jalan Raya again? :)]

friends, false friends, acquaintances
they make life bearable
i sound like an emotionalwreck poseur
whatever
my vocabulary sucks tonight
all i can thank God for now;
is them and the fact that i'm better off than others who are having it worse off than me



LIFE IS BETTER, HIDDEN UNDER THE COVERS








Haha




















life is so blatant and BORING
i've lost the mood to study
and if you paid me $50 to commit suicide rite now
i'd most likely do it
it's like life lost its meaning all over again
i was just thinking
and wondering
and pondering..
how is it possible that you can mean everything to someone
and then over a period of time you're nothing
all over again
is it that hard to find meaning in life?
or is it just there in front of me, waiting for me to notice?
life is such a BITCH
one moment you think you've figured everything out about it
and then it just rips everything of in seconds
i'm so fucking pissed and bored and sick and tired
at the fact
that everyday is the fucking same
i HATE MY FUCKING LIFE
AND I HOPE IT BURNS AND DIES
I'M SICK OF BEING TRAPPED AT HOME
I'M SICK OF BEING BROKE
I'M SICK OF EVERYTHING
i just wish i could fucking thrash something right now
what happened to all the people who promised the world?
what happened to all the people who said i mattered?
i want my side piercings SO BAD
AND I WANT THEM FUCKING NOW
fuck the idiots who gave me false hopes and friendship
WE ALL DIE ALONE
MISERABLY AND UTTERLY ALONE, YOU HEAR ME?!



im fucking bored
like seriously fucking bored
i fucking hate the world
and i'm seriously pissed
fuck emos
fuck the little emos of the world
WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO WAKE UP TO ANOTHER DAY?!
[tahan, Ry.. tahan]
meh
neways
gonna get my sides pierced by Didie Hiekel :)
now i'm thinking should it be 8 running down
OR
8 PAIRS running down
cos both ways i can still somehow make a "corset"
i will give myself a "goal"
and that is to..
NOT USE THE COMPIE
[unless necessary]
FOR LIKE 5 DAYS
cos really wtf m i online for?
no1 talks
its FUCKING boring
AND
i dont do anything
so FUCK THE WORLD













apathy. kills.
boredom. kills even more.
i. hate this place.
so much.
i think. i hate the whole world.
because.
i don't feel comfortable anywhere.
i don't want to feel awkward
and i don't want to belong
see? i'm contradicting myself again.
it's like i'm agreeing to conformity and originality at the same time.
both of which, i lack [in very huge proportions]
immature people annoy me.
i can't believe i behave like them
[hypocrite much, ry?]
sometimes i just wish people WOULDN'T hate me
sometimes i just want to sleep the day away and forget that everything else existed
like "HA! no more school"
or "HA! no more idiots who give me weird stares"
am i bipolar or something?
because i feel as if i'm like 2 completely different people
in school and at home
it's like in school i'm just some obnoxious fucked retard who talks to loud
and at home i'm just some anti-social creep who doesn't talk enough
i feel outta place
it's so frickin stupid, i know.
i'm sick of change and yet i crave it so bad
i can't stand the fact that 60% of the friends i had last year now mean nothing to me
and i want so bad to move on and leave them behind
i mean i do miss them
and i guess sometimes it hurts to find out
the real levels of animosity and love that exist between them and me
i mean no doubt i am very appreciative of the friends i have now
i mean i can see that they really are genuine friends
but what happened to those in the past?
i mean i loved them to bits!
it's kinda crazy to say this but my life literally revolved around them
but i guess we all move on, aye?
i did learn something from them ;
not everything is what it seems
especially those you hold closest to your heart
as i read in Christa's book,
never make someone your priority when to them you're just an option.
life.
betrayal.
animosity.
envy.
hatred.
revenge.
life's such a bitch, isn't it?




this is Serrie








today was boring
Biology was okay
the rest of the day was boring
lepak-ed w Ish, Ren n Cass after school
n Ish, Ren n me found like the perfect place to chill!
pretty fun :)
life is boring
boring boring boring
i need a JOB
yeah so i can earn $$ n splurge it on watev i want
its so weird
i hate wanting so many things in life
its weary having to sit and wait for what you want
oh and i just realised
HOW GUYS NOWADAYS ARE TURNING INTO TOTAL PEREMPUANS
e.g. Girl: "alaaaa sayang.. i cant make it 2nite im sorry.. maaf, sayangg"
Guy: "aku MARAH.. kau tak sygkan aku anymore.. U LIED TO ME"
WTF RITE?!
PEREMPUAN I TELL U!
THE WHOLE SOCIETY'S BEING TIPPED OVER
WHACKJOBS



This will be my OTHER kenny tattoo :D
KENNY McCORMICK <3
hes so frickin cute
met Navin 2day
:)
nice guy.. nice guy.. :)
n nw im at home.. DUH
pfft fuck the little emos of the world
IDFC
*screams*
fuck you
fuck the whole world
and fuck you too

what you see would be my, hopefully, future tattoo

i'll load up the other one 2mr :S

IT'S A KENNY ANGEL <3

I LOVE KENNY McCORMICK!

SLIPKNOT <3

i <3>

ULTIMATELY LOVE SLIPKNOT

JOEY JORDISON IS HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT

HOTTIE HOT HOT

HOTTIE HOT

HOT HOT HOT

HOTTIE HOT HOT

HOT HOT HOT

HOTTIEEEEEEEEEEEE

HOTTIE HOT HOT

RAAAAAAAAPE!

im exhausted
i now have 3 official art projs
and im loving it
im gonna name everything i have LOL
ah name my glasses, my tattie, my phone..
my pencil case.. my rubbers.. my fave hat..
my computer.. my guitar.. my sketchbooks..
my ipod..
i think i'll start rite nw!
ive alrdy named my ipod n my phone..
okay here goes..
glasses --> twinkies
tattie --> serrie
sketchbook (black) -->

eh i cant be screwed..



my fingers are TINGLY
for some UNKNOWN reason
and today
was like an AWESOME day
hung out w the Orange Nips Fam XD
LOL
went around to look for things and
NOW WE HAVE A MASCOT!!!
Realfun Nippy Nigga the Magic 8 Ball
hahaha
swear i love those guys to BITS
had bubble tea today <3
and my fingers are tingly!
oh and today was the first time i managed to finish an Amaths paper on time!
a FULL AMATHS PAPER!! XD
and today Adith made me laugh
swear the guy's good

Cassie: "45 days to Os. Dith, u must be happy."
Adith: "YESSAAAAH!!"
Ry: "HUH? WHY? u finished Opreps already ah?"
oh here comes the good part
Adith: "no. i mean HELLO some people are born STUPID. They grow up to be STUPID and they remain STUPID for the rest of their lives. So study for what?"

HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA
XD XD XD XD XD
ooh i did up my MYSPACE!! :D
irrelevant i know
now i just gotta change my link!
LALALALALA

good day
good times
ive gone crazy
TINGLY FINGERS!



kill me
im DEAD bored
fucking bored
i hate being bored
YAWN school tomorrow
im going to DIE
DIE
DIEDIE
DIEDIEDIE
DIE
DIE
DIE
.......
DIE
ooooh pattern lets try

die
diedie
diediedie
diediediedie
die
die
die
die
die

ooh arrow
BLEARGH



thats my phone, massacred.
thats a picture of my phone, massacred
this is me massacring my phone's credibility
MUAHAHAHAHAHA
it's called Faggot :)
its friends are Dammit and Lulu.
Dammit's a sony ericsson.
and has AWESOME MUSIC
awesome phone
JoeKCuds' phone
Lulu is a nokia
the new music express one
its in selfdenial :)
Cassie's phone.
MUAHA!
random
I DONT MAKE SENSE
[shut up, Ry]
nods
LADIDAAAAA
cough splutter
please ignore the little sig below
i dont like it either
lalalalala
byeeee



i just realised how much i DON'T make sense
no, actually i realised it a LONG time ago
I DON'T MAKE SENSE
like how i DON'T MAKE SENSE now
hmmm..
like how i've been thinking, right..
if 2 people love each other so much,
why do they break up?
or why do they wait so long to be together?
i'm getting my compie back tomorrow :)
guess i'll load up the pics i took of my cardboard bunnies up :)
mudvayne sounds awesome
SOUTH PARK IS HILARIOUS!!
watch the Osama bin Laden episode
[no offence to anyone]
and i have found..
RAINING BLOOD BY SLAYER
i swear the guitar is FUCKEN AWESOME
wanna hear bout my day?
yes?
no?
i'm going to tell you anyway
woke up late for SS class
met up with JoeKCuds after school and we hung abit
massacred the table downstairs
[RYANN IS AWESOMER THAN JOE]
and just reminisced the times we had with Fika (JoeKCuds) and Hafiz (me) at that very place
it was funny
and then we went on to talk about guitar
the guy's a pro, i tell you
seriously
after that, went upstairs and bummed around
played abit of Nintendo Wii
and then headed to sleep
woke up
played more Wii
and now i'm stoning and using the compie
gonna crashcourse study later
there're just NOT ENOUGH HOURS in a day
life is a BITCH
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA



Revenge.
An unseen contract forged by immaturity.
Confusion.
Blindness to the facts of life that lay ahead.
Denial.
Ignorance to reality and what it has to offer.
Fallacy.
Infatuation and lust in their true forms.
Silence.
Ingenious concealed behind a frown or a smile.
Manipulation.
A play of the truth, mistaken for betrayal.
Surrender.
The realization of destruction, hurt and dismay.
Apathy.
Grief in the highest degree.


i think i've figured the solo of "The Take's Over, The Break's Over" by Fall Out Boy
and that's the only thing i can be proud of now
which is pretty pathetic
i wasted the week away
texting people i shouldn't be texting
feeling jaded
and totaly wasted
what a way to spend the week
stoning and being totally blanked by guitarhero3
and feeling so stupid and yet so confident
over what?
absolutely NOTHING
ryann ryann ryann
CONTRADICTING FUCK
i contradict myself too much
and i hate that
i'm not supposed to contradict myself
and i wish i'd stop meeting guys
who just wanna get in my pants
which is completely stupid
because the chicks at geylang are WAY hot
have you ever heard of being comfortable in your skin
when you can barely figure yourself out?
yep
contradicting FUCK, i tell you
and the teachers are becoming megabitches over night
not that I'M concerned
it's just that everyone'2 complaining
are we THAT horrible??
*shrugs*
whatever goes, as usual

surrender; every word, every thought, every sound, every touch, every smile, every frown..

who am i?
what is this i feel with each passing day?
is there a word to describe?
is it dread?
is it weariness?
is it infatuation?
is it apathy?
is it boredom?
i want to LIVE
i want to LOVE
i want to BURN
i want to CRASH
i want to DIE
such is life <3


baby, i miss you<3