MROWR! ♥

Thursday, June 18, 2009

post 216: fuck it

fuck you too.

sometimes packing your bags and leaving isn't that easy. because there are explanations to give and emotions to control, to hide. and there are worthless replacements to find, even though replacements are unnecessary. and there are the goodbyes. and the peace to create and retain with people that seem important. the attitudes to bear with and the frustrations to suppress. in a tiny little bottle. pessimism to chew on and sharp objects and chemicals to keep at bay. and then there's sleep. eternal? not now. when there are things to be done, said and ruined. goddammit where is the strength? where are the walls? where is the reasoning? where are the replacements? when all i wanna do is pack my bags and leave. for a "fresh" start, a "brand new" whirlpool of troubles and irrelevant "pissyourselfcrying" sessions because of what's been done, said and ruined, by the people you used to love so dearly. pity is easy to find, but frustrations aren't easy to let off. when the people you trust believe the lies that have been spread, by someone who never wanted to see you alive, by someone who said that you'd be well taken care of, by an insecure coward who just wants to see you drown, by a liar who can't sleep because of the overwhelming guilt. the lies, the need to destruct, the reopening of festering wounds, the screams in the dead of night. the bruises, not to forget, and the misunderstanding of the severity of what has been done and said which, of course, was mistaken as something small. how do you believe a liar? how do you believe yourself? how do you believe the truth when you've seen nothing but lies? the false promise of another family that never really cared. a maternal figure that has been missing for 7years. a pity how something so un-tragic can result in something beyond tragedy. and how it can go on for almost a decade, without anyone realising the time that has past. see how time flies when you're so miserable? you lose count. because numbers cease to hold any meaning. in the end, we're all just statistics, never anamolies.

4:26 PM